then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
