Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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