I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
