Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
