I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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