I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
