i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
