I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
