A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
