I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
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i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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