4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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