Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
