you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
