You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
