you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
