so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
we're so committed to being not committed
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
