I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Banned from zoo.
Again?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
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