why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
