When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
