wat bout pragnant strippers??
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
