I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
