if you like me you must not know who I am
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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