I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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