just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
