I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
