Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
