video games are the ultimate cock blocker
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
