I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
