my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
