sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
