I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Hippo gnu deer
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
