he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
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Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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