We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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