Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
