so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I can text with my tongue
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
