i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
