you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
