just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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