His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
