I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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