I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
