Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
