I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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