So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
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the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
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