Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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