We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
