well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
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