I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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