All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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