I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
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