i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
