Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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