You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
