dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
