you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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