three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
