He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
