the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
