Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
