i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
