drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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