I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
