Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize