Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
