i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
