i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
