I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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