i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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