holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
