I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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