she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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