Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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