I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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